Grits & Eggs

Grits & Eggs

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"what is wrong with me?"
September 13, 2001~11:02 p.m.

Well, I just had the best meal that I have had in a looooong time! After Bible study, Tim and I drove to Sonic. It is all the way across town, but ooooohhhh so worth it!! I had the chilli cheese hot dog, tator tots, Dr. Pepper and a hot fudge sundae! WooHoo! I was so happy. Those are THE best Tator Tots. I love it! Oh I better get back to the gym!
I needed something good today, as I had a hard time at Bible Study. There are now three women pregnant in our class and as I'm coming in, they are all talking about their maternity clothes, and stuff like that. I wish there was something else to talk about but that. But then after class, we are all standing aroudn, I'm throwing my cup away and getting ready to leave, the three of them are standing together again talking about ultrasounds, and when they first felt the baby kick and all this. It was all I could do to not cry. I mean I'm not supposed to feel this way at a Bible study. Why can't I feel good for them and not be upset? Why can't I just smile and fake it?
On my way home I called Tim to tell him I was on my way so we could go to Sonic and when I picked him up, he asked me right away what was wrong. He could tell in my voice I was upset. He was right. I was about to break down in tears on the phone with him earlier. He knows me so well! I love him so much. As I was driving I was thinking...sometimes I feel so seperate from these women. I don't feel like I'm close at all with them. They do so many things together and I don't even know about it. I was just feeling this ...feeling, that Tim was my only true "friend!" That my husband is the only one I can count on. He is my best friend and what would I do without him? Besides Jesus Christ, All I feel like I have that I can trust and be with is Tim. I mean, I am grateful for him, but then I think, what is wrong with me? Why don't I go out and do all these things with these people? Why am I not invited? Why am I not included? Am I a party pooper? Maybe the sad look on my face shows through. When they all start talking about babies, I clam up and get quiet. But I don't know how else to deal with it without crying. What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me????

Yesterday ~*~ Tomorrow

~*~Did ya miss somethin'?~*~

clothes - March 13, 2009
day off - February 16, 2009
don't hurt - February 09, 2009
rain - August 23, 2008
catching up - February 16, 2008

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