Grits & Eggs

Grits & Eggs

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"support group"
November 21, 2003~6:04 a.m.

Last night I went to my monthly meeting for our fer tility support group. It actually turned out to be a great session. There were fewer people but it seemed like we finally were able to discuss a lot of feelings and emotions and felt just closer as a group.
We had a counselor there to talk to us about getting through the holidays. He went over a lot of different areas and stages of grief and depression. We were able to talk to much about how important it is to have people that are going through just what we are to talk to for support. As I sat there, I felt that I had really gone through most of those stages of grief and was now in the acceptance stage. I'm at that stage where I know what we are doing with our lives as far as children go, we are going to adopt, and we are making plans for that. Before that, when I was so into the medical treatments and timing and such, it seemed to just ruin me emotionally. All that sadness about not being able to become pregnant, turned into resentment, anger and pure, downright hatred towards those women that could. Once I was finally able to pull through the depression stage and come to full, or almost full, acceptance that God's plan is for us to adopt a child out there that no where else to go, it was like a humongous weight was lifted from my shoulders. That is what has helped the emotions for me.
A testiment to how much better I am at the emotions is that last Sunday was baby dedication Sunday. T. had to leave after Sunday school because the store had Open House, so I was by myself! It finally hit me that today was that day and perhaps I should retreat to my car as well and just head on home. But I didn't. I ended up sitting with another lady who's husband was home sick and she seemed lonely sitting there with only her child and no other adult with her. Then my best friend came in and I asked if she wanted to move back with us. Then after the greetings, we saw our other teacher friend and had her come back with us. So I was surrounded by 3 other women that were my friends and when it came time for the dedications, I did not shed one tear, nor feel one twinge of despair. Now I did spend that time discussing with my friend which mother had lost her weight and discussing the "interesting" names the parents had given their babies. This was a way I could keep focused on other things. And I was finally able to smile and enjoy the sight of the newborns at the front of the church as we accepted them into our church family before the eyes of God.
So does this mean I'm doing better? I certainly hope so. This road to adoption has helped me set my focus on other things. Not to say I never cry anymore, but I feel like I don't have the hatred there like I used to that was really hardening my heart. Most of that changed when we decided on adoption, but the rest was lifted when I went on the Walk to Emmaus. I really do feel lighter and am able to sleep better from this load lifted off me. And it feels so much better.
God has a child out there for us. And one thing that has made that easier also, is that I have and still am praying for that child. I started praying for him/her a few months ago. I finally came to the realization that years ago I prayed to God for a man to come into my life to be my husband. A man that was a godly man, who would treat me with respect and love me for who I was. I prayed for his safety and his family before I even knew him. But God knew him. And he sent me Tim. So I finally thought, "Hey, if I prayed for my husband, why shouldn't I be praying for my child?" So I did and still do pray that they child is healthy, that the birth mother is healthy and not damaging her body that might in turn hurt the child. That when the child is born he/she is in a safe environment and is not exposed to emotional abuse or unsafe things. And I don't know whether my child is still in the womb, or if my child is already born yet. But God does, and I can rest assured that He is watching over my child and keeping him/her safe in his protective arms until I can carry that child in MY arms.
So all this comes from saying that I really am glad this support group was started. We ended up being on TV last night and today on the nbc news. SOme of us didn't want to be seen on camera, as a lot of our friends don't know what we are going through yet. So we wernen't shown, but the back of my head was in a lot of shots! It was a good segment and I hope it draws more women and men to our group so that we are able to support them as well.
Before I did have this support group, the only other support I really had from others that have 'been there" was online. One lady in particular has always been there for me and supported me through it all and that has really helped me through a lot. I am grateful that God has brought me these friends that I can talk to and that know what I'm going through. It has made this journey a little bit lighter. Because no one can understand what a woman is going through unless you have been there yourself.
Thank you God for placing other friends in my life that can relate to where I have been and what I'm going through.

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