Grits & Eggs

Grits & Eggs

New
Older
E Mail
View my guestbook

"I'm changing in my thinking some..."
November 15, 2004~3:12 p.m.

I'm really changing in my thinking. I have been so angry, upset that our CM is trying to make sure Little One is home for Christmas and not even worrying if she will even be ready by then. But when I really think about it, I think.. Am I really looking at LO's welfare or more so that I want her here for Christmas. It is hard though since we have had her since February and they are making sure she goes home for a big festive holiday when we have had her all year and put up with so much and struggled so much to get her where she is. But then I realize that I am being selfish. WHat I need to be doing is praying for her safety. That her father will treat her kindly and provide her necessities for her. That she will not be neglected and then let go and let God be in control. Isn't that what I have had problems with so much anyway? Control? Yep, that's me. Ol, control freak. GOtta let go.
So last night I'm cuddled with LO and she is going to sleep. I talk to her about her father. I asked some things, just out of the blue. I was aksing if she wanted to live at his house. She said no. I asked where she wanted to live. She said "My house." and pointed to her bed. She wants to live at our house. But then I asked WHO she wanted to live with and she said her Father's name. As much as it broke my heart, I know that no matter what a parent does/doesn't do/ etc. to a child, they will always love them. They will do whatever it takes to get back to their parent. She didn't want to see her mother. I do think her mom was not good to her, but I also know her father neglected her and did not provide for her needs. But I do know she really likes seeing him. There is a fear of her mother. But since she has not been in the picture since April, it won't matter. I just worry that after he gets her back, she will come back and not have had to do her "case plan"
But you know what? That is out of my hands. Like I said, I've got to keep reminding myself that I am NOT in control. HE is. And pray.
I told DH it is so hard to know she will be gone soon. Tonight we have a meeting with our CM. All last week I wanted to tell her off. But now I know that it will do no good. I do think I will tell her that I would like the respect of at least 4 days notice before any visit change and also I would request more than one hour to say good bye like they have done before. I don't know if she will care, but I can ask.
DH tells me that after she leaves we will focus on redoing her room for the baby. He is an awesome husband. He knows just what to say and what to do to help me. He knows that in doing that, it will keep my mind off LO and also make me less anxious knowing that day will come. Looking at her departure date as not a sad one, but one that will begin our new journey into waiting for our FOREVER child to come home with us.

Yesterday ~*~ Tomorrow

~*~Did ya miss somethin'?~*~

clothes - March 13, 2009
day off - February 16, 2009
don't hurt - February 09, 2009
rain - August 23, 2008
catching up - February 16, 2008

Diaryland