Grits & Eggs

Grits & Eggs

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"it is final"
November 15, 2004~10:47 p.m.

It is basically a done deal. We have one month. 4 weeks and one day until she will go home. The C.M. told us tonight that they have no reason to keep LO in their care so she will go home. He has to have a paper drawn up to say that he will not allow her mother to have her or have guardianship over her before this will happen. He has not gotten a divorce from her either so I guess this paper will be in the place of that, even thought he has had almost 9 months to get it taken care of and he hasn't.
It was so hard for me to hear this. Hard to look at the C.M. and hear her say it. I had to leave the room some and not look at her and let DH do the talking. I told him ahead of time what I was requesting and let him do the talking because she knows I get testy with her. We did request knowing in advance about visits and so she actually got out a calendar and planned each one out. She will have a Saturday visit next week and then two weekend over night visits and then go home if court is that week. She is ademant about her being home before Christmas. So, we know it is almost over.
DH tried consoling me and such but I didn't want any of that. And what is hard is now that I know this, I've almost started building up a barrier around my heart. I know I need to break it down. But it is hard to continue loving her so much knowing she will be gone soon.
We also did ask if we could have more than an hour to say good bye. She did at least write down that they will come at 7:30 that evening instead of 6:00 pm. This was the first time she actually listened and wrote stuff down in her calendar so we will see. I guess it took having DH ask her and not me.
Next week the supervisor comes for our annual visit for approval to keep her home open for another year. DH said he wants to go ahead and tell her that LO will be the last one so they will stop calling us. They happened to call us again today on another boy. We don't necessarily want to "close" our home but we don't want any referrals. It will, in some ways, be nice to not deal with them anymore. Having a third party in the middle of our lives. We can plan for things without worry that they will interfere.
And now, I can start packing for LO's departure, bittersweet as it is, and start looking for the crib that I want to go in her room. I can also look for paint to redo that room and the bedding set I want. All in anticipation of our baby girl coming home some time next summer. And no one is going to come take her away from me!

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