Grits & Eggs

Grits & Eggs

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"biting the bullet"
July 03, 2004~9:12 a.m.

So we talked last night, after relaying to DH what our CM updated me on with both the girls, and we are seriously just goign to start looking for an adopti0n agency to work with. I'm ready for it, no matter the cost. I'm sick of the run around and not knowing with D FCS. I'm tired of people asking me if we have/are/will be ad0pting these girls and having to tell them it is all up to the birth parents and if they do what they are supposed to do. Having a family with children all depends on whether a person messes up or not basically with the f0ster care system. So... I sent off for info packets from the two agencies I had looked at earlier and had recommendations on. I'll see when we get them about how much it costs to start out with them. I'm sure we have the money for that part. Just down the road when we have to come up with a 5 digit figure may be hard, but if we have to, we will borrow the money. I said I would never do that. Never borrow the money for a child and have to be "paying off" the debt. But we pay off our cars, pay off our pool and our house, why not huh? And it would all be worth it in the end.
Our bank sent out a thing where you can automatically have money deposited in your savings each month. We do that already but we also take the money back out to use if needed. Which we should not be doing. So I think we are going to sign up for it, just so we are forced to put money in there. We can always add more if we have it. There is no reason with what we are both making that we couldn't be putting more money away. I spend way too much on baby clothes, toys, etc that I don't have to buy. These kids have enough. I'm saying this after I just went yesterday and bought a Little T. tea party kitchen for Little One and a climbing, sliding toy for Baby. That was $80 right there. *sigh* I'm a sucker. But at least it keeps them entertained and me sain.
From what our CM told us, Baby could be going back home as early as a couple of weeks when they ask for unsupervised visi!s. The judge could decide to send her own home. So if he does, she will be gone. Forever from our lives. She has only lived in our home for almost 7 months of her life. It is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. If he doesn't send her home, they will just keep increasing visitations until they do overnights and such and then they will go for sending her home. Which could take a few months.
ON the big girl, the CM said the dad is doing great and he is looking into getting a divorce from the mom who has not been here in almost 3 months. She has basically abandoned the child. She has not contacted D FCS at all. I'm sure that what he would do is once he gets her back, he will go back with the mom, but right now they know she can never straighten herself up enough to get her back. The CM said she isn't worried about him making his case plan. We were lead to believe that this one would be one that would be long term and possibly be ad0ptable. It upsets me to hear her say what she did as I know he has lots of issues in his life and LO will never have what she has now. It hurts when I look at the pictures we took on our trip of this beautiful girl who could be in model ads going back to a home where she will probably be neglected again and sit in a diaper all day long and forage for food on the floor again. But that is how the system works. So folks, after these two go home, we aren't doing it again. I can't. People say they admire us for doing this, that we are strong. We aren't. We just want a baby and this was the only way to do it right now. And it ain't working folks. So... we bite the bullet and will start in with agencies and pray that this will be the way that God will give us the family we dream of.

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